Playing Emma
by CameoAmalthea
Summary: Xion loves her two best friends, Axel and Roxas, and wants them to be happy. And what could make them happier than hooking them up - with each other. However, there's no proof they're more than just friends and playing matchmaker can be a dangerous game.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Playing Emma

Summary: Xion loved her two best friends, Axel and Roxas, and just wanted them to be happy. And what could make them happier than hooking them up- with each other. Xion is sure that Axel and Roxas are meant to be, and she is meant to make it happen. The course of true love never did run smooth, and apparently neither does the course of playing matchmaker.

Chapter 1

"This isn't a good idea," said Riku. He looked up from the book he was reading. Xion had just unveiled her plan to Namine, and Riku happened to be in the room at the time. The older boy was sprawled out on Namine's bed, while the blonde sat in a corner chair, sketchpad in her lap.

Namine's bedroom was typically girly. The furniture was white and the bedspread was a soft blue. Namine decorated with seashells and a print of some painting with boats. Xion thought Namine would have loved it back home on the island. Somehow she managed to make her average bedroom in the Toronto suburbs look like it belonged somewhere warm and sunny. It fit Namine perfectly; the only thing Xion felt was out of place here was Riku's presence in the room.

"Well no one asked you,"Xion told him. Besides, there was nothing wrong with her plan. Xion was pretty sure Axel liked Roxas. There were clues. The way Axel looked at Roxas when he thought no one was looking, the way Roxas talked about what Axel said like he was hanging on his every word. There was just undeniable chemistry between them. They were perfect for each other. Roxas was so cute and innocent! He needed a big tough lovable guy like Axel to look after him. (And he needed a guy. There was no way Roxas was straight.) Axel and Roxas would betoo damn cute together, and Xion was going to make it happen.

Riku shrugged. "I'm justsaying, meddling in other people's love lives is never a good idea."

For her part Namine kept silent, until Xion pressed her to reveal what she thought. "Well," she said. "I'll admit they would be cute together. And I can't think of anyone Roxas would rather spend time with than Axel."

"Hayner, Pence, Olette," Riku listed the names while counting them off on his hand.

"He spends more time with Axel," Xion retorted. "Besides, Hayner is into Seifer."

"What? Seifer and Hayner hate each other's guts!" Riku cried, but then he sighed, shaking his head. "I'm not getting into that debate. Right, so Roxas spends a lot of time with Axel."

"Yup," chirped Xion.

"Well, he probably spends the same amount of time with you. Come on Xion, you've been with Roxas and Axel almost every day since you got here, right?"

"Yeah," she said. "I didn't have anyone else to hang out with really."

About a month before school let out her father had announced his intention to send Xion and her twin brother, Sora, to Toronto for the summer.

"It'll be great," her father had said. "Like a vacation." He'd smiled at her from across the kitchen table. She'd looked to Sora who was sitting at her right, but he'd said nothing.

"But we live in a resort town," Xion had pointed out. They could practically see the beach from their front porch: who needed a vacation when you practically lived in paradise?

"And you have your whole life, sweetheart," her dad had said. "On this trip you'll get to experience a new city. A whole new country. It'll be good for you."

"Uh...daddy, no offense but Canada is hardly an exciting foreign country," Xion had said. "And besides, people are dying to come to Tybee Island for the summer. Why would we want to spend the summer anywhere else?"

"Because your Uncle has graciously invited you both for the summer. I want you two to get to know him."

"I understand, Dad," Sora had said before he'd turned to look at her. "Think about it, Xion. If you ever have kids don't you want them to know me?"

"Well, I guess so?" Xion had admitted.

"When we were kids, we always thought we'd live near each other, and raise our kids together," their father had sighed.

"Then he met aunt Daphne at that internship and moved to Canada to be with her and ended up immigrating. That's why he never moved back, even after she died." Xion's tone had been flat as she'd recited the well-known facts of the situation. "If you miss Uncle Jack so much why don't you go see him, or have them come down here?"

"I'd love to see Jack, but I can't get the time off work right now. Come on, Xion, he hasn't seen you since you were little and you probably don't remember him or your cousins at all. I think you'll really enjoy the trip. Then next summer you and Sora will be old enough to get jobs and will be too busy to travel. Now's the perfect time. Besidesyour mother and I will be busy most of the summer. You'll have much more fun in Toronto."

Xion hadn't looked very convinced.

"It'll be cooler, and less humid," her father had pointed out, "and it'll be a chance for you to experience something new. Toronto is a whole other world compared to Georgia,; different culture, different people. I think it would be great opportunity."

"Well, it would be cool to see a whole other world," Sora had said "And think about it, Xion. The farthest we've ever gone on vacation is Disney World, and that's only one state over. It could be like an adventure."

"What about my friends?" Xion had asked.

"They'll be here when you get back," her dad had assured her, "and you'll probably make plenty of new friends in Canada. Your cousin Namine is only a couple years older than you, and you and Roxas are about the same age. I'm sure you'll get along fine."

"Yeah, and you'll have me," Sora had pointed out.

As it turned out, Xion didn't have Sora with her, because Sora failed his math final. That meant he had to retake it over the summer. Sora stayed behind for summer school, and Xion was packed off to Canada.

Xion had arrived in Toronto certain that her summer would be miserable. It was cloudy the day she landed, a low mass covering the world like the surface of a gray sea. Landing in Toronto on that cloudy day had felt like diving underwater into a land of perpetual twilight beneath a sky of gray. The plane descended through the sea of clouds into the world beneath where everything was muted.

Uncle Jack insisted on driving them through down town so Xion could get a good look of the city. Xion couldn't see the sky at all,; even the top of the great spire of CN tower disappeared into the clouds. Things weren't open here but smothered by the clouds and choked with buildings that towered over the world. Everything was tall and close, like bars on a giant cage. Even the people who crammed the tiny sidewalks framing the streets that they drove through added walls to the world. Xion was trapped here for the summer.

She never thought the city would grow on her. But the next day had been sunny,as most days after had been too. Once they got away from downtown things were more open. The suburban neighborhood where Uncle Jack and her cousins lived was beautiful, although a little homogenous, it was like something from a brochure, with no real character or individuality. It was nice all the same, and Roxas went out of his way to make her feel welcome. He took her for ice cream, and showed her all his favorite spots around the city.

It was sort of amazing how fast she'd clicked with Roxas. Maybe it was because they were family. Although they hadn't grown up together, their dads were identical twin brothers. So did that make them like cousins who were genetically half siblings? In lots of ways Roxas felt more like a brother than a cousin.

With Sora back home, Roxas sort of filled the gap. Not that anyone could take Sora's place in her heart, but there was always more room for loved ones. Especially when it came to family. In Roxas, Xion found a second brother, and in his sister Namine, Xion had found the big sister she'd always wanted.

It was natural that she was close with Namine and with Roxas. More-so with Roxas because he was closer to her age. Given all that why wouldn't she hang out with Roxas everyday? Leave it to Riku to make pointless arguments.

"So what if I spend a lot of time with Roxas?" she asked. "We're related. Even if we weren't, that doesn't mean he isn't in love with Axel."

"I'm just saying, spending a lot of time with someone doesn't mean you're in love with them, either," he continued. "I spend a lot of time with Namine, and we're not in love." It was true; Riku was over at Namine's house a lot. He'd met Namine at some magazine project thingearly on in the summer. It was some sort of teen lit mag through the local library where local kids submitted poetry, short stories, and art. Then the club edited it and put it together. They were partners or something, and ever since then, Riku had been her shadow. Although sometimes Xion suspected Riku only came over all the time so he could annoy her.

"Maybe you just don't like the idea, because it's _my_ idea?"

"Oh come on," said Riku, "you think I care about you that much that I'd go out of my way to disagree with you? Really, Xion, I'm just looking out for you. There are so many ways this could go wrong, and do you really want either of them mad at you if it does?"

"But what if it goes right?" she asked. "I really think there's something more between them. It's more than just friends."

Like the way Axel had acted when they first met. He'd just gotten back into town after being gone for about a week, and Roxas was supposed to meet him at the train station. Roxas had brought Xion along to introduce her. She'd been pretty excited honestly, since Roxas talked about Axel constantly.

Apparently they'd met at some philanthropic organization Roxas had joined a while back, something where they'd go and clean up different parts of the city, that sort of thing. Axel had been his partner/mentor, showing him the ropes. They'd just clicked from there, and had been inseparable ever since.

They'd been sitting together on a bench, Xion resting her head on Roxas's shoulder, when Axel had walked up.

"Roxas!" Axel had called, slinging his bag over his shoulder. "All right, how've you been? Miss me?" His smile faltered when he saw Xion. "And who's_ this_?"

The way he'd said _this_, and used the word 'this' instead of 'she' was degrading. It was like she was something he'd found on the bottom of his shoe. The look Axel had given her then that wasn't so much contempt as it was a stare down.

"This is Xion," said Roxas. "She's my friend. I thought we could all hang out together. The three of us?"

Axel shrugged. "Sure, whatever floats your boat, Roxas," he said before tossing his bag at Roxas. "Mind carrying that for me?"

He caught the bag. "Uh, sure," said Roxas, although the weight of the bag had almost knocked him off balance.

"So, Xion, how long have you known Roxas? You guys seemed kind of cozy."

"Oh, well, I guess in a way we've always known each other," she had said. "We just hadn't actually met until this summer."

"How romantic," Axel had scoffed.

"We're cousins!" Roxas and Xion clarified, in unison. They broke out laughing, and the shouted "Jinx!"

Axel's eyes widened in understanding. "Oh, you're," he laughed. "Um...anyway it's nice to meet you Xion. I'm Axel, got it memorized?"

"Um..."

"You don't actually answer that," said Roxas. "He just asks you."

"It encourages you to remember it," said Axel. "So Xion how long are you in town for?" He smiled at her and took his bag back from Roxas. "You should probably let me get that, it's pretty heavy after all." He slung the duffle bag back over his shoulder and ruffled Roxas's hair.

After that day, Axel had always been pretty nice to her. It had been a complete one eighty after he found out she and Roxas were related. Nothing could explain the change in behavior except jealousy. Axel liked Roxas, and didn't want anyone around who might be a threat. From the very first day she'd seen Roxas and Axel together, Xion had known the truth.

Riku and Namine weren't so convinced.

"Ok, so humoring you," Riku said, "what makes you think they're more than just friends?"

"The way they look at each other sometimes," said Xion. "Off hand things Axel's said."

"What has he said?" asked Namine, sitting forward in her chair.

"Well..." Xion fell silent. She didn't want to gossip about Roxas or anything. "Ok, well, it's just something I overheard. Roxas was sort of down, he'd gotten into a fight with his dad, and was talking about graduating early and moving across the country or even immigrating to the US. Axel seemed pretty concerned. He asked if Roxas really would go that far? And Roxas said no one would miss him. Then Axel said, "that's not true, I would.' He sounded so sad, like he was hurt Roxas wouldn't know that. Then they looked at each other..."

"And!" Namine pressed, gripping the edges of her sketchpad.

"Well, that's when they noticed I was there," Xion admitted. "I had sort of walked in on their conversation. I said sorry, and hoped I didn't interrupt anything. They said it was nothing, and we just kind of acted like nothing happened. Roxas acted like he was fine."

Namine nodded. "Yeah, that's Roxas. He never talks about what's wrong. Sometimes he just stares off into space, and looks so troubled, and I know he's just letting things eat at him inside. Until finally he ends up exploding." She pushed a strand of white blonde hair behind her ear. "He and dad have had some screaming matches when that's happened. He broke a computer once, because he got frustrated and slammed his fist on the keyboard."

"And that's why you should go with Mac?" suggested Riku.

Namine glared at him.

"Sorry, just trying to lighten the mood," he said. "Come on, Roxas is sixteen, - fights with parents and angry tantrums are part of the package."

"It's more than that," said Namine, "And he wouldn't have so many anger issues if he'd just quit pretending everything was all right, or actually talk about it when something was wrong."

"He talks to Axel," said Xion.

Namine smiled and nodded. "Maybe Axel _is _special then."

"Maybe all they need is a push."

"One flaw in your little plan," Riku broke in. "What if they're not gay?"

"Way ahead of you," said Xion. She reached into her messenger bag and pulled out a laptop. After flipping it open it took her moments to pull up Axel's Facebook page. "See," she said, pointing to Axel's information.

"He has 'Burn baby!' listed under political views, and 'Fire!' under religious views?" asked Riku.

"I meant the part where it says 'interested in men'," said Xion. "And, he's not on Facebook much, so it was easy for me to look through all his activity. He used to date some guy named Saix. Oh and this chick named Larxene was totally hitting on him, and he wasn't interested, like at all."

"Does this count as cyber stalking?" asked Riku.

"Merely preliminary investigation, and if he didn't want people to know about it, it wouldn't be on Facebook," said Xion. "So what we know so far is:Axel claims to be interested in guys, has dated a guy before, and totally blew off a girl who was flirting with him. He's gay, nothing else to it."

"And Roxas?"

"Roxas doesn't use Facebook," said Namine. "And he hasn't told me anything about it, and I'd think he'd come out to me before he came out online."

"He hasn't said anything to me either," said Xion. "Maybe he just isn't ready to admit his feelings."

"So we should leave him alone?" suggested Riku.

"Of course not," said Xion. "I should help him realize that he and Axel are meant to be, so that he'll admit that he's gay and in love. I mean...I guess before I move forward with my plan I should test to see if Roxas is gay. Like maybe have a girl ask him out and gauge how he reacts. But I just know there's something more between Axel and Roxas!"

Riku groaned. "Are you really sure you want to go playing Emma?"

"Who?" asked Xion.

"She's the main character of a Jane Austin novel," said Namine. "She basically tries to be a matchmaker but keeps getting things wrong."

"Well, see, there's the difference," said Xion. "I'm not wrong. This could be true love, and since when has true love not worked out?"

Riku just rolled his eyes. "Ever hear of Romeo and Juliet?"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Axel glanced at his watch. Roxas was the one who had suggested meeting up at High Park, and he should have been here by now. Axel had half a mind to just go home. Once again the redhead found himself wondering why exactly he was doing this. Sure, he loved Roxas. Just being around the kid brought a smile to his face. Roxas made Axel feel like he was alive again. It had been a long time since anyone had done that.

The problem was how could Axel know the relationship was going anywhere? Roxas was just so young. He had his whole life to figure out who he was, and who knew when Roxas would figure out if he really wanted to be with Axel?

Axel wasn't sure he could call what they had really being together.

Not to mention all the heat he was getting for dating a high schooler. It wasn't like Axel had set out to date someone so much younger; it just sort of happened. He met Roxas when he was working this community service thing and they just clicked. They hadn't started dating then; didn't seem right since Axel was supposed to mentor the younger volunteers. They just became friends and later somehow ended up sharing some secrets and a few stolen kisses. It didn't matter what his friends said. Being with Roxas felt right, and it wasn't like it was illegal to date a sixteen year old.

The problem was it felt like it'd been months since he'd last been able to kiss his boyfriend or even hold his hand. Ever since Roxas's cousin had come to town she'd been with them constantly and Axel knew better than to give anything away in front of one of Roxas's family members.

Axel just wanted some time with his boyfriend! Heh, he wasn't even sure he could use that word. It sure didn't feel like they were dating some of the time. Roxas didn't want to be gay. Roxas would have probably given his right hand to be able to just like girls. Roxas might break it off at a moment's notice, and Axel knew it. What he didn't know was whether or not that would be for the best.

"Axel!" called Roxas.

Axel looked up to see the blond heading his way from across the park. He noticed that Xion was not tagging along beside him and couldn't help but smile at the fact.

"Roxas," said Axel, "there you are. So are we on our own today?"

"Yeah," said Roxas, "Xion and Namine are apparently doing some girls' day thing with Olette. So it's just you and me."

"I think you just made my day," said Axel. He came closer to slide his arms around Roxas.

"Don't you like Xion?" asked Roxas. The blond's expression reminded Axel of a confused puppy.

"I do, but I like being able to do this more," said Axel. He smirked and pulled Roxas closer placing a quick kiss on his lips.

Roxas blushed and pushed Axel back.

"Hey now, what's the matter?" asked Axel. "Am I not allowed to kiss you anymore?" He took a step back and crossed his arms.

Roxas sighed and looked away before meeting Axel's gaze. "It's not that. Sorry," he rubbed the back of his head, "it's just you caught me off guard is all." Roxas looked around.

"Checking to see if anyone you know's around?" asked Axel. "You're certainly paranoid today. Did something happen?"

"Wanna walk and talk?" asked Roxas. The way he looked at Axel then, it was almost pleading. How could Axel say no?

Axel shrugged and moved to Roxas's side. "You know I'm here for you, Roxas," said Axel. "So what's up?"

They started off together along the concrete path which snaked its way through the park. A few kids were kicking a soccer ball around a field a little ways down. Farther off there was a playground. A few tots played as their parents watched from the sides, but it was a weekday afternoon, so all in all, the place was pretty dead. He and Roxas were the only ones on the path, so there wasn't much danger of being overheard.

"My father...found something," said Roxas.

"Oh geeze, what did he find? You know enough to delete your browser history, right? Please tell me you don't hide porn in your room!"

"No! No nothing like that," said Roxas, "it was just some pictures. But they were...pictures of the two of us together." Roxas reached into his back pocket and pulled out a folded strip of photos from a photo booth. He handed them to Axel.

Axel glanced down at the photos and smiled. "Hey, I remember this," he said. "That time at mall." He smiled at the memory. There was hardly anything incriminating in the picture. Just him and Axel. In one they smiled together, a bright grin on Roxas's face and satisfied smirk on Axel's, on another Roxas was leaning over to try and give Axel bunny ears while Axel shoved him off, then on the third he'd pulled Roxas into his lap. Roxas looked so happy. Roxas didn't smile like that enough. He certainly wasn't smiling now.

"What did he say?" asked Axel.

"He was like 'who's that?' and I told him I knew you from that Key Club thing. I said we were just goofing off in those pictures," said Roxas. " You know? Being dumb, or whatever. He asked if I spend a lot of time with you. I said not any more than anyone else, I spend more time with Hayner and the gang. Then he asked if I'd been spending anytime with girls, like anyone special. He said when he was my age...well...I've never had a girlfriend Axel! What's he gonna think?"

"Well he doesn't know that for sure," said Axel, "you might just be private. Besides, you're young, not everyone starts dating the moment they hit puberty."

"He's gotta start wondering eventually. What do I do, make up a fake girlfriend he's never met? 'Oh yes, of course I have a girlfriend, a girlfriend who lives in America so you can't meet her and I've just never mentioned her before.' That'll really be convincing," said Roxas. He pinched the bridge of his nose and stared at the ground. When he looked up again his annoyance was gone, replaced once more with worry. "What if...what if he does think..." Roxas sighed and turned away to kick at a pebble in his path.

"Would it be so bad if he found out the truth?" asked Axel. "You really want to keep the truth a secret for the rest of your life?" He came to a stop and put a hand on his hip.

Roxas turned to face Axel, his eyes wide and red with unshed tears. His hands clenched into fists and he grit his teeth. "I'd rather break it off right now than have my father disown me!" he cried. "He can never find out! I'll lie to his face. I'll deny everything. I'll stop doing anything with anyone so that way there's nothing to hide."

"Except for who you are," said Axel. He crossed his arms again and looked away. He couldn't stand even looking at Roxas when he was like this. One look at his face and Axel could see how much he was hurting and there was not a thing he could do about it.

"You don't understand," said Roxas. He walked farther on. "I'm not the son my father wants. I'm not good enough for him. Dad works so hard to give us this perfect life; the nice house in a good part of town, making sure we never want for anything, and have all these opportunities. Picture-perfect family life. But sometimes I feel like it's all fake and I don't belong here. Like I don't fit the picture. Like I should just be erased from it all together because I just," he looked at the ground and tore off bits of grass, "I mess it up."

"You don't mess it up," said Axel. He came to sit beside Roxas. Through the thin layer of cotton T-shirt, the bark of the tree was rough against his back. He slid an arm around Roxas. "Look at you, you're an honors student and do all these clubs."

"Not that it matters to him. If I get one B it's 'why didn't you do better?' If I find something I like it's 'why don't you spend more time on this other thing? It'll look better to colleges if you had this on your resume.'"

"Roxas," said Axel, "I'm sure you'll be able to get into whatever college you want."

Roxas was silent for a long time. He didn't lean into Axel's touch but he didn't push him away either. "When I do go to college I don't know if I'll stay here," said Roxas.

"I know," said Axel, "you've mentioned running away before."

"It's not running away," said Roxas, "but part of me wants to...I don't know, start a new life somewhere else, away from my dad. The other part is terrified because if I leave then I don't know if I'd ever be able to come back. Life won't be the same anymore."

"Life is never the same," said Axel. "You're growing up and that means change, but that's what it means to be alive. It's how the world works, you can't step in the same river twice."

"You're quoting Pocahontas?" asked Roxas.

"I'm quoting Heraclitus. It's philosophy. The point is change is normal, and it's normal to be afraid. You just have to do what's right for you. Besides, you've got two years. There's no rush."

"Axel," said Roxas. "The thing is...I...I've been thinking. If we're gonna have to end it eventually, if I move away and all, then what's the point of staying together now? Why risk it?"

Axel laughed and shook his head. "You breaking up with me Roxas?" he asked. "I mean, is that really all you see us as? A risk?" He leaned in close to Roxas and cupped his face with one hand.

Roxas leaned in closer until his lips met Axel's own. The kiss was light at first, lips against lips, and skin against skin. One peck and then another. Axel was torn between enjoying the sensation and the urge to deepen the kiss. His lips parted and - a sharp buzzing vibration from Roxas's pockets made them both jump in surprise.

Roxas moved back and scrambled to get at the cell phone in his pocket. The boy flipped it open and sent a text.

"Something up?" asked Axel.

"It's Xion," said Roxas. "She wants me to meet her and the others. She says it's important."

Axel scoffed and got to his feet. "Guess you've got to go then," he said. He offered Roxas a hand up.

Roxas took his hand but let go the minute he was on his feet. Well then, thought Axel, I guess we've reached our intimacy quota for the week. Out loud he asked. "So where are you meeting? Anywhere nearby? If not I could give you a lift, or at least walk you to the subway station."

"It's near by and you can come along if you want," said Roxas. "We're just meeting up for ice cream. Apparently there's something they want to talk to me about. I don't see why you can't come though." They started off again, this time cutting through the park instead of sticking to the path.

They walked in silence for a bit as Axel screwed up the courage to say something, or maybe he was just trying to figure out what to say. "So uh...I take it we aren't broken up?"

"No," said Roxas. "I...I don't really want to break up. I just...I don't want - I can't let my father find out about us - about me." Roxas sighed again and stared off at the distance.

Axel thought it was a wonder the kid didn't trip over his own two feet staring off into space like that. He wanted to say something, but what could he say? How do you tell someone that what their parents think doesn't matter when they're whole life it's their parents who matter most in the world? Axel was lucky, his parents had always been chill so he'd never had to really worry.

"I understand," said Axel. In the end it was all he could say. "I just...I don't want to lose you is all."

"I know," said Roxas. He looked back at Axel and stopped for a moment.

"And I don't want you to be miserable either," said Axel. "It doesn't sound your old man is exactly the greatest guy. No offense or anything."

"My dad works really hard, Axel. He's had to raise me and Namine on his own, and it's not easy. I owe it to him to try to be the son he deserves."

"All you should have to be is yourself," said Axel, "that should be good enough."

Roxas sighed and started walking again. "You sound like a greeting card, you know? It may sound nice, but..." Roxas gave another sigh followed by a long pause before continuing, "Did I ever tell you how my mom died?"

"Yeah, you said it was cancer," said Axel.

"Yeah," said Roxas. "They found out about while she was pregnant with me. It was treatable, but the treatment would have...she'd have had to terminate the pregnancy. She chose to keep me because there was a chance she'd make it to term and she did... except by the time I was born things had gotten a lot worse. She died a few months after that."

"Oh Roxas, I'm so sorry," said Axel. He couldn't imagine what it was like growing up without a mom. "You don't think it's your fault do you? Look, she made her choice and she was sick. It's not your fault."

"I know," said Roxas. "I know it's not. It's just sometimes I'll see my dad looking at her picture or telling Namine how much she looks like her. I can't help but think he'd be so much happier if mom was still alive. Then sometimes I think he'd be happier if she'd chosen not to have to me."

"Roxas, don't think like that," said Axel. "You can't think like that, nothing good can come of it. Your father loves you, I'm sure of it, and I bet he wouldn't trade you for the world. Your mom loved you too, and she wouldn't want you to feel guilty or that she made the wrong choice."

Roxas actually smiled then, but it was a small, bitter smile. "My father doesn't blame me or anything. I don't blame myself. But I want to be worth it, you know? My mother gave everything to have me, and I'm his only son. I'd give anything to be what he wants me to be, and I try so hard and I've worked at everything but I can't change who I love. If he finds out I like guys then I don't know what he'd do. I wouldn't be what I have to be, what I should be."

"Hey guys!" called Xion.

Axel looked up to see the group of girls waving from the edge of the park. Looked like this conversation was over for now. Axel sighed; there was so much more that needed to be said, but Axel wasn't sure he had the words.

To think he'd been frustrated with Roxas for not giving them enough time together. Look what the poor kid was going through. Axel understood why he wanted to keep things a secret, but the whole situation was terrible. It wasn't as if Roxas could choose to like girls. He could choose to make himself alone and miserable, yeah, but that wasn't fair to anyone. At some point growing up you had to stop living for your parents' benefit and live your own life. Freedom, responsibility, being accountable to only yourself, that was what it meant to grow up, but Roxas had a long way to go.

All the same he couldn't help but feel the same frustration, because he wanted Roxas so bad it hurt. He wanted Roxas to be brave. He wanted Roxas to choose him, because if what his father thought was more important to Roxas than anything it meant that Axel wasn't that important. Axel wanted to be, because to him Roxas was rapidly becoming the most important thing in his life. Maybe they should break it off, before Axel got in over his head and wound up putting all of his being into a situation that could only leave him burned.

They reached the group of girls and Axel smiled in greeting. "Ladies," he greeted.

"What was so important?" asked Roxas.

"Well," said Xion tilting her head to the side… "Olette and I have been talking and she told me some things and there's something she wanted to ask you." Xion grinned and motioned for Olette to speak up.

Olette looked at Xion and then at Roxas. "Well...I was wondering if maybe you'd like to go out with me? like dating go out, because I really like you." The whole mass of words was spoken in one breath.

Roxas stood stock still, his mouth slightly opened as he tripped over what to say. "I...that's great!" Roxas smiled. "I really like you too and I'd love to go out!"


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"How could you do this to Pence?" Hayner snarled. It was almost enough to make Roxas drop the cell phone in his hand.

"Do what?" asked Roxas. There hadn't even been a hello, Hayner had launched straight into yelling at him. "What have I done exactly?"

"Going out with Olette!" said Hayner. "You knew Pence had a thing for her. He's been head over heels for her for years. They were really getting close, then you go and steal his girl. Not cool Roxas. I thought you were Pence's friend? Pence trusted you!"

"Olette's the one who asked me out, ok?" said Roxas. "And last time I checked she was a person, not some item you could call dibs on."

Hayner scoffed, and Roxas could almost see him rolling his eyes. "Yeah, well, whatever traitor."

The line went dead. If it were possible to slam down a cell phone to hang up, Roxas had a feeling that Hayner probably would have done that. This wasn't fair! He didn't even want to go out with Olette! She was the one who asked, and now everyone was mad.

The worst part was, Roxas really didn't want to hurt Pence, but he had hurt him. No, that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was there was no one he could turn to for advice. Normally when he had a problem, or just needed to talk, he'd turn to Axel. Axel was always there for him; willing to listen, or give advice, or explain the things Roxas didn't understand because Axel was older and had been there.

At the moment Axel wasn't on speaking terms with Roxas either, and he could understand why. Agreeing to go out with someone right in front of Axel. Roxas might as well have spat on their relationship. He sighed heavily, and sank down onto his bed. Roxas hadn't meant to hurt Axel either.

How could he destroy so many relationships in one fell swoop? What had he been thinking? Not much, apparently. Olette had sort of caught him off guard, and he hadn't known what to say. Then his dad had been asking about girls. Roxas needed a girlfriend, and then a girl had suddenly asked him out. It had just seemed like the thing to do.

Besides, Namine and Xion had been right there. If he'd said no they'd have ask him why. What if they'd asked him in front of Dad? They were sure to talk about it, since Olette had apparently told them she liked him before she actually asked him out. It was so weird, he had no idea Olette even liked him like that. Roxas honestly thought that Olette liked Pence as much as Pence liked her. Roxas had thought it would just be a matter of time. Maybe she'd gotten tired of waiting for Pence to make a move and moved on to him?

Either way, it wasn't his fault she asked him out instead of Pence. There wasn't really any reason for Hayner to be angry with him. It wasn't like Roxas was going out with a girl Hayner liked. If anyone should be angry it was Pence.

Another sigh as Roxas shifted, rolling onto his side. Turning from staring at the ceiling to staring at the wall wasn't much of an improvement, but he was restless. He knew he should talk to Pence. Explain that he didn't mean to hurt him. That he was sorry.

Except, how would he explain himself? Roxas didn't like Olette. He never had and he never would like her that way. So how was he going to explain to Pence that he didn't want the girl he was after, and wasn't trying to steal her, but had said yes to dating her anyway? That made no sense. At worst it sounded as though he was dating her just to spite Pence, and that wasn't it at all.

Axel would know what to do. He had to fix things with Axel too. It was the last thing Roxas wanted to think about, though, because it scared him. What if Axel wouldn't forgive him? The idea of it ending like this was too rough to even think about.

Roxas rolled onto his back and closed his eyes. He remembered the look on Axel's face when he told Olette he liked her, and wanted to go out. The way Axel's eyes had flickered from disbelief, to hurt, to rage.

All the same, Axel had managed to smirk and mouth off. "Congratulations Roxas," he'd said, "I'm sure you'll be very happy."

Then Axel had turned and left without even saying a word. Roxas had called after Axel when he walked away. It didn't matter that there were other people around to see, and saying "please, don't go" might have looked weird, but Roxas didn't want him to leave. Roxas knew that if he let Axel leave, he might never see him again. Axel hadn't turned around. Maybe he hadn't heard what Roxas had said, or maybe he just didn't care anymore.

If the girls thought anything of Axel's reaction, or Roxas trying to get him to stay, they didn't say anything. In fact the state of the situation after that could best be described as awkward silence, followed by Xion reminding them that they were going to get ice cream, if only to change the subject and break the silence.

Roxas leaned over the side of his bed, and rummaged in his messenger bag for his cell phone. He had to talk to Axel. He couldn't just leave it like this. He had to say he was sorry at the very least.

He found Axel's name in his contacts list, but hesitated before pushing the call button. Maybe texting would be easier. There'd be way less chance of saying the wrong thing, at least. Roxas pressed the text button, and stared at the screen thumbs poised over the keyboard.

"Im sry-" Roxas stopped, and deleted the text. This wasn't going to work. How was Axel going to believe he was sorry, if he was too much of a coward to even call him? Besides, it would be quicker just to call him. If he texted, he'd wind up saying too little, or spamming Axel with a giant wall of text which wouldn't mean as much as just saying what he felt.

Roxas got up, and went to the door. He poked his head out, and looked down the halls. No one was home, and the house was silent. Namine and Xion had gone to the movies with Riku a while ago. Roxas had been invited, but hadn't felt much like going out. He had the house to himself then, no chance of being overheard.

He pulled out his phone again, and looked at the time for a long moment before unlocking his phone. It was almost five o'clock, his father would be home soon, but he should have at least fifteen minutes to a half an hour. He'd hang up when he heard his dad drive up. If the conversation even lasted that long.

He waited for Axel to answer. The phone played through the chorus of Institute's Bullet Proof Skin, Axel's ring-back tone. The song clip began again, and ended as the phone cut to voicemail.

Roxas ended the call without bothering to leave a message. He wasn't going to beg forgiveness through voice mail. Except, maybe he should have left some message. Just so Axel knew he really wanted to talk to him. Just a 'please call me.'

Roxas pushed the button to call Axel again. This time the ringback only got through "burn, baby, burn" before being cut off to voicemail. Axel must have turned his phone off or ended the call. So Axel had hung up on him too. This wasn't his day for phone calls.

Should he leave a message? It was obvious Axel didn't want to talk to him. All the same, he had to say something. "Axel, please call me! I'm so sorry. I messed up. Just please call me?"

Another sigh followed by another flop back onto the bed. He needed to talk to Axel. It wasn't just that Axel gave him the best advice; it was that he missed him. The thought that Axel might not want to be friends with him, or talk to him ever again, made his stomach feel twisted.

Roxas turned over, and reached for the drawer on his bedside table. He took out the strip of photos that his father had found. He had planned to ask Axel to take them because he didn't want any evidence in the house. Axel had stormed off before he'd had a chance to. Now he was glad he'd held onto the pictures.

He looked at the picture. Axel always seemed to be smirking, all the time. Except when he was actually smiling. Like in the last picture when he'd pulled Roxas onto his lap. He'd been laughing, and had seemed so happy. Roxas had looked happy too. Everyone always said he looked sad in pictures, but in that one, he'd been grinning, or laughing. No way to tell, but it had felt so right to be Axel's arms.

Roxas put the pictures back in the drawer. He'd only had a bowl cereal today, and that was hours ago. Maybe food would get his mind off things? Roxas headed downstairs. As he passed the living room, he grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. It was too quiet, everything was still. Nobody was home, and there was nothing to drown out his thoughts. Roxas TV turned on to some drama on W, probably something Namine was watching. Roxas flipped to MTV2, then headed into the kitchen. He went to the freezer, and pulled out the box of hot pockets. Roxas fixed himself the microwaved food-like item, and then scalded his tongue on the first bite.

He dropped the hot pocket back on the plate and cursed! He slammed his fist down on the table hard enough to make the plate shake. Why wasn't anything going right?

"Roxas?" asked his father.

Roxas turned to see his father standing in the door. His dad shut the door, and came to set his briefcase on the kitchen counter.

"Oh, I didn't know you were home yet," said Roxas.

"Just got here," said his father. "Is everything all right?"

"Just got burned, that's all," said Roxas. He looked away, and took another bite of his hot pocket.

His father walked past him into the living room to switch off the TV. He then came back to the kitchen, and took a seat at the table. "Are you sure nothing else is bothering you?" his father asked. When his question was met by silence he sighed and continued,"we used to be able to talk."

"We do talk," said Roxas. You lecture me on being a screw up, and I nod and say I understand until you go away. "Have I done something wrong?"

"No, you just seemed upset. You shouldn't get so angry. You need to learn to control your temper, Roxas."

"I know," said Roxas. "I'm sorry." He took another bite, even though Roxas didn't really feel so hungry any anymore. He wanted to change the subject. Well his father wanted to talk: maybe he could give him some advice? If Roxas was going to go through the trouble of getting a girlfriend he didn't want for his father's sake, then his old man should have to deal with the mess it was causing. "Something actually is bothering me."

"What is it?" asked his father. "Roxas, whatever it is, you can tell me."

"It's my girlfriend," said Roxas. "Well, she's not the problem, it's everyone else."

"Girlfriend?" asked his father. He sounded surprised, but happy. "Who? When did this happen?"

"Yesterday," said Roxas. "Olette sort of asked me out, and I said yes because..." Roxas hoped he could lie well enough to convince his father, "well because I like her too. I like her a lot, but my friend Pence liked Olette before I ever did. He's liked her for years, and I knew it, but I agreed to go out with Olette anyway. Then Hayner's angry at me because I did this to Pence, and he says I'm a traitor."

"Well, have you actually talked to Pence?" asked his father. "What does he think? He doesn't seem like the sort of kid who's going to punch you out over a girl. You like Olette and she-"

His father was cut short by Roxas's phone ringing. Roxas answered it on reflex. It was Axel.

"I got your message. If you have anything to say to me, you'd better say it fast," said Axel.

"I...-I can't talk right now," said Roxas. "I'm talking to my dad. Call you back later?"

"Don't bother," said Axel. Axel hung up the phone, and Roxas was left feeling like he'd just been punched in the gut. Why couldn't anything ever go right?

He stood up, and dumped his half eaten hot pocket in the trash. Before his father could say anything about wasting food, Roxas headed for the stairs. "Thanks for the advice, Dad," said Roxas. "You're right. I should go talk to Pence. Right away."

He ran up the stairs, and grabbed his messenger bag, then was back down and out the door in an instant. Roxas honestly had no intention of going to talk to Pence. He just needed to get out of the house. He needed to walk, to run, to get as far away as possible.

Roxas reached for his phone to call Axel, but it went straight to voicemail. Well fine! He'd just send a text.

Quit being an asshole. You know I can't talk in front of my dad. I'm sorry about

going out with Olette. I know I hurt you, and it was wrong. I'm sorry. I don't know what more you want form me.

Roxas continued walking, and didn't stop until he reached the bus stop. He would go talk to Pence. Maybe there was at least one relationship he could salvage. Pence worked at Tim Hortons, and was usually at work in the evenings. Maybe he could catch him there, and talk if he wasn't too busy?

One bus ride, and a block down later, Roxas had almost reached Pence's work.

Axel still hadn't returned his text.

Roxas pushed the door open and headed inside. He saw Pence behind the counter, and got in line to check out. It wasn't too crowded, so he could hopefully get a word it, at the very least. If Pence saw Roxas when he came in, he didn't react.

When Roxas reached the register, he was greeted with a cold. "What can I get you?"

"Pence," said Roxas, "we really need to talk."

"Roxas, I'm at work," said Pence.

"Uh, I'll have a..." he looked at the menu. "Mint chocolate iced cap supreme?" He handed over a few toonies. "Look, Pence, I didn't mean for you to get hurt. Olette just-"

"Olette all ready told me," said Pence. "She didn't even want to ask you, but Xion pushed her to, and let me guess - you're sorry." He handed Roxas back his change.

"Xion?" asked Roxas. "Why would Xion-"

"Listen Roxas," said Pence, "there are other people in line. I don't have time to chat."

Roxas looked behind him. There were indeed other people waiting. He dropped his change in the tip jar, and moved to stand somewhere to wait for his drink. As he waited, he checked his cell phone. Still no response from Axel.

He sighed, and began texting Olette. Why should they all make themselves miserable? Roxas didn't want to date her, Pence and Hayner didn't want him to date her, and even Olette didn't want this relationship. There was no point. They should break up.

He wasn't going to break up with her via text message though. Even if it wasn't much of a relationship, he didn't want to be that guy. So instead, he simply sent:

Hey, we need to talk. Can you meet up?

Roxas got his drink, and headed back towards the bus stop. He texted Xion with one hand, asking where she was. They also needed to talk.

At that moment Roxas's phone rang. It was Axel. Roxas answered it immediately.

"I'm sorry," he blurted out. "It was wrong to go out with Olette, and wrong not to talk to you before. I'm sorry."

"Heh, Roxas is sorry? I'm so flattered!" he spat. "Well it's too late."

"Axel, please," said Roxas. "Just hear me out."

"I got your text," said Axel, "and I know what you're going to say. You don't want your dad finding out about us. Well congratulations Roxas, there is no us anymore. Oh, and you know what I wanted from you Roxas? Do you really want to know? I'll give you a hint. Maybe I wanted you to actually act like I mattered to you at all."

The line went dead. Roxas decided that he really hated being hung up on. How the hell were you supposed to work on conflicts with people if they refused to even talk to you!

Roxas's phone buzzed; Xion had sent him a text. She was at Riku's house. Well then, that's where Roxas would be headed. Xion had somehow helped ruin every friendship and relationship Roxas had, and he wanted to know what she'd been thinking.


End file.
